Everyday's Forecast.

I'm resisting every urge I have to curl up into a ball and disappear off the face of the fucking earth. I'm in a hateful ass relationship with my own damn emotions. I have a tendency to care. I fall for all the wrong people and things and there's this devastatingly cold lonely feeling that won't get of my fucking back. And most importantly, I'm tired. I'm tired. Of trying with bullshit ass results and misinterpretations of my soul, heart and worth.

But yet, I'm still trying. I have no idea why. I'm taking a lot of heat from people I love, leveling out my pride, bottling up my emotions. I know exactly how I feel but I'm tired of explaining, trying to prove myself. Here's what's going on inside my head in a something slight format.

• BOYS. The one I think I want. The one I probably need. The other one? Funny how this is probably the least of my problems. Always in my head but a solution in itself probably. Everybody loses, lol. --That's not funny.
• We'll call this bullet --LOVED ONES AND LISTS. I have some friends. I don't want them to go on this list I have. It's a list that pains me and makes me sad. Like brings me to tears sad. That is all.
• SCHOOL.
• MOTHER.

I repeat --I'm tired. Tired of the same outcomes and repetitive pains. It's really taking a toll on me that I don't want to express. I just need to sit down. And I think I see everything the way its bound to happen. I'm done. I'm gone. You're just waiting. For what? Idk. New Years is just another day on the calendar. Don't structure our pains around it.

He broke down in tears talking about how God neglected him. --Everyday's Forecast.

Reality.

The most unexpected things in life will hurt u. One minute ur lovin the shit out of something and before u can even think about wut happened, it's nothing like u wut u remember. And its hurts. Like nothin has ever hurt before, a soul-hurt, that gets deep in u and effects u even when u don't want it to, especially when u don't want it to.

I trusted. I loved. I gave it my all. And its almost as if it was all a dream, it never happened. all the sweet nothings and shit, were supposedly just that --shit. That's what it's been diminished to --past shit that I guess when the other party looks back, that party is disgusted that it ever made it to that point to begin with. I'm seemingly an accident, a mistake, and I'm about to be written off as if I never happened to begin with, actually, I already have been.

The same person who once upon a time said 'I love u' now looks at me with what I feel like is all the hatred in the world in their eyes. That's tough. It's tougher when that same person thinks ur tearin them down. I don't have the energy or the urge. It's just not apart of me. When I love someone, I make the most efforts to protect u from anything in the world that could hurt u. So why would I personally? Yea, I wouldn't.

But I remember something much different. But now it's time to just remember. I'm not about to forget u. And I could go on forever about this --tryna figure out wut happened, wut went wrong...I'll never understand.

Time to give u wut u want...

The Birds and the Bees

"...and they left all of the snakes out of the birds and the bees."

I actually went searching for the story of the birds and the bees. No such luck lol. Turns out its not a literal type thing. The story of 'the birds and the bees' is just an opening for parents to begin everyone's favorite and most awkward sex talk. But I've come to realize that when parents tell that story, they portray a happy fairytale. And when you're a kid who thinks the birds sing and the bees try to have sex with them to your understanding (that was a Simpsons quote if you ain't know), you believe it. You'll believe anything until you find out firsthand.

So let me tell you the real story. Some shit that I know firsthand.

"So, back when crushes didn't crush us..."

Birds and bees are completely different creatures. You shouldn't really expect the birds to understand how the bees feel or vise versa. But they try to make it work anyways. It's like I know you're from Venus and I'm from Mars but let's meet somewhere in the middle, Earth maybe, and make magic or some shit like that. Men and women really are from two different world's. Their mannerisms are different, their thought process is different, and their hearts? Their hearts are programmed in a completely different way and the sooner both parties involved realize that, we can make something work.

But as I said before, somebody forgot to mention the snakes. And when I mean snakes, I mean the serpent that tempted Eve...except they're lower, grimier...the type that makes your skin crawl. The birds have realized that bees don't fly the way they do and the bees no that the birds can build their nests anywhere, with another bee, or many bees at the same time...those are the snakes... They let you think they're birds and that they are real enough to make this bird-bee relationship work despite all differences. But they're not. I don't really need to go deeper than that. I'm sure eventually everybody recognizes the appearance of snakes. They're poisonous. But they are damn good at what they do, getting you and making you believe that they're the bird to your bee.

Idk, no one ever told me the story anyways...I've kinda been winging it since I got in the game. And I don't even know which of the two is male or female...is the bird the female because she builds nest...nurturing and is the man the bee because he has a stinger and can pollinate? Idk but if so, I definitely wrote it the other way lol. Oh well, I just wanted to write.

"If you're a bird, then I'm a bird." -The Notebook