Pretty Girls.

Girls, I ask em do they smoke?
Ask em what do they know?
Ask em can we go? Pretty girls..
Sunshine in the air, perfume everywhere
Girls are everywhere

The pretty girls be the ones with the darkest secrets...

Flawless;

the sweetest smiles are the ones hidin the most pain.

Puttin on happy-go lucky charades

but hidin teary eyes behind black tinted shades.

Mascara runnin deep into her veins.

She's not as happy as she claims.

Loneliness swallows her in rooms full of her closest friends.

Their hugs are empty.

And her trust in them waivers constantly.

The distance between them grows with each passing day.

Whatever; 

she don't want them anyways...

Too busy in her emotional built up brick walls

where no light shines in.

There's no windows; 

no doors.

Only mirrors covering every inch of the ceilings, walls and floors.

Admire your style and your physique

So all day;

she picks apart and critiques

what others call her "beauty".

Not seeing how they could see anything pretty in

an empty shell of what used to be herself.

She wages war on what's left...

She tears herself apart; 

skin first. 

As if she's tryna claw her way out of herself;

reassurin she can still feel herself.

Rips and cuts away at everything she doesn't like about 

the "pretty girl" screaming in the mirror.

And then she goes numb.

Protection from the "love".

She drowns herself in shot after shot

of anything that can be poured.

As the room fills with smoke

from blunt after blunt;

cloudin up want after want.

And when the smoke clears;

her fears

are still cluttered on mirrored floor

staring back at her;

tauntin her.

Always hidin right beneath her clothes.

She gazes into intact mirrors

but sees a broken reflection.

Sunrise.

She pulls together all the shattered pieces of herself.

Puzzles up a "pretty girl".

Hides the monsters under the bed.

Pushes the skeletons back in the closet.

And smiles.

Before she steps outside her solitude

flauntin that pretty girl attitude.

Girls, I ask em do they smoke?
Ask em what do they know?
Ask em can we go? Pretty girls..
Sunshine in the air, perfume everywhere
Girls are everywhere

Thoughts of an Insomniac.

I think he's beautiful...


Looking back at pictures and the things he used to say to me; I'm sure that once upon a time, he loved me as much as I thought he did, if not more...

Blah. Blah. Blah...


I still think about him alot...even know I'm not supposed to be and I shouldn't be. I think about how sweet 'I love you' sounded from his lips and how I felt like my reply "I love you more' was a lie; not because I didn't {because God knows I loved him with everything I had} but because I felt he loved me that much. In a way that was almost unbearable to be away from him for longer than a few hours...I felt invincible with him. Invincible and helpless at the same time...

I think that love...has a way of making someone apart of you; your better half and nonsense like that. And I'd hate to think that someone undeserving or just anyone in general has had that part of me...I've handled somethings really bad between us but I think for the most part; I handled this one thing pretty well...And I don't think anyone knows how bad this one situation has broke me. I'm pretty hurt by it...I didn't realize how hurt until about an hour ago. It's one of those things that will always bother me probably...

I don't think I'll ever forgive her.


I've run out of random thoughts to embarrass myself with...I'm actually pretty tired but sleep is hard to come by now-a-days...always, always thinking...about him, or how I miss the shit outta my best friend, why nothing is going the way I want it to go. I don't really believe in all the beautiful things I once did; like love and best friends; I mean I do...but nothing quite feels the same as it used to...and I'm a cry baby...whatever. I guess there's some strength somewhere in all of this.

I need someone to tell my secrets too...but I don't see me telling anyone everything anymore.

I think that his hugs are magic and could solve every problem.
I think that his forehead kisses would still send chills through my body.
And I can't even imagine how big the smile on my face would be if he hugged me from behind, slid his hand into mines and told me he loved me...

No one needs to read this...but if you have know that I think I'm a complete idiot and I wish I would've just went to sleep...=(