This Thing Called Love

Show no love, love will get you killed.

That's a ridiculous rule, but the way things usually fall will make you feel like that. I have a best friend, one really awesome girl who you could basically say this rule is her way of life, and after what I've been through, I'm damn near this close to hopping on that boat too.

What have I been through you ask? Well, I loved a boy, or present tense still love, who used to love me back. And now he couldn't care less. It's a different kinda pain that I've never felt, a soul-hurt. It hurts deeper than anything else ever has and what's worse is, I can't even say we're friends. If I hadn't showed him love, he wouldn't be killing me, feel me? Times like these can discourage the heart. Especially when I miss him at random parts of the day or damn near every damn thing reminds me of a time when we were US. But I was good to him, wanted to be better of course, cause that's my human nature, I just always strive to be a better person. My other best friend, one great white kid, tells me that I should sleep soundly knowing that I have a heart and that I'm capable of a feeling that most people never grasp in their whole life, or that most people get really good at pretending.

I love too hard and I've never thought that was a bad thing. I love the way I love because I know how people (family and mates) have loved me in the past, and that it's not a good feeling, not one of those I-feel-protected-and-warm-inside things. Once upon a time, I felt warm and fuzzy from just the thought of this boy...and I don't know what he feels towards me today 'cause I don't understand him, but even after all this, I don't hate him. I would never dream of it.

All in all, what I'm saying is: You can't let bad experiences shy you from the beauty of life and love for that matter. When he loved me, it was amazing, perfect, everything you would want love to be: your best friend and your lover all wrapped into one sexy or beautiful package but now I'm working through the pain of not even having the friend I knew. And I don't want my savage best friend to be discouraged by the pain I'm going through or the pain she's been through herself. It's all really beautiful and worth it. Promise.

♥missflyybarbie