Love makes us foolishly optimistic. -Wale Folarin

Some Shit I Believe

Some Shit I Believe
no evil here. just truth.


The Miseducation of Me to You.

You keep me grounded cuz at times I'm out of whack. Ur an essential part of my everyday activities and I'm happy we're growing to be best friends. I love how you love me and I give much credit to you for helping me get...cuz you never gave up when I did at times. Ur a great encourager even when I don't wanna believe you. You keep it 100 twenty-four seven and I really appreciate that. I couldn't ask for a better friend that's short, cute and brilliant. Ur light shines bright and it's one that anybody would be lucky to be in. I'm just happy that you allowed me to get a glimpse of the amazingness that's yet to come. --probably one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me.
Finally. Someone sees something great in me. I can whine that no one understands me, knowing that's not true. It's right there --proof that someone gets me. And I know that there are a little circle of people that understand me and thinks that I'm lowkey awesome in my own special way.

But...I'm what psychologists and Webster call a pessimist. So no matter how much you pour in my glass, I'ma tell you that it's not enough, it's half empty instead of half full, not because I'm selfish but because I've gotten uncomfortably used to disappointment. And for some odd reason, I got all these wonderful ass people loving me but the fact that someone misunderstands me, fucks my whole world up. And it shouldn't but I got this lil' blood pumper called a heart that doesn't matter how exactly but i feel. I feel like some people are completely miseducated on me. I've been called a lot of things --sweetheart, baby, love, lil mama (in the cute way not the why do u have a ponytail hole cut in ur new era fitted? kinda way), whore, slut, dumb bitch... --and the confession is: I either smile excessively from a gesture of kindness from anyone, or I let words hurt me, even make me cry. I let words hurt me.That's some real honesty. I know, I know, I need to just man the fuck up. Guess I'm just a cry baby...

I AM A SWEETHEART. That's what it is. I've tried to be cold, I've tried to care about everything but these bitches (and interchangeably niggas), but I do. I'm sensitive and emotional and warm-hearted...I'm genuine with my feelings and the things I say. I'm honest cuz I hate to be lied to myself. An okay listener who can sometimes talk too much but I got a nigga (well not a nigga) tellin me about myself. I'm still living off some shit they taught in kindergarten --treat people how you wanna be treated. I can't be savage, I'm not vengeful, or hateful. The fact is, I'ma always tell you how I feel even if I know it has potential to end bad. I can give out advice ALL DAY LONG but my own shit is a beautiful mess that drives me crazy, pierces me in places I wish you didn't still have control over and hurts. Truth is --I'd die for mines. I keep people I love up on a very high pedestal where they're surrounded with respect, understanding, trust and enough love to suffocate the shit outta anybody. But I know they deserve it, especially the ones who say shit like that.

Long story short --I can love people who seem to be complete strangers to me. You should know me better than to think that I'd show you anything but love and respect. But I guess you don't. I'm a lover. A fighter --I'd die for mines. BEST friend; shoulder to cry on. unethical wife of several, girlfriend of a many same sex --in the most heterosexual way. I'm just Yani. And I wish you'd ask me about me before you pass judgement and drop blame.

I ain't do it to be cocky, I do it to be loved and understood cuz everyone, yup EVERYONE deserves that. So, you can tell me about myself, constructively, cuz it'll help me grow. But I wanna grow with you...

1 comment:

  1. this was beautiful. i agree in sooo many ways! too many to type here lol.

    i love you ♥

    & pls stop this internet hiatus. even if it's just 4 me =/


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